Small moments that matter most to kids during holidays

There’s a common holiday myth or trap we all fall into at some points. Many parents enter the holiday season believing kids will remember:

• The perfect gift(s)

• Magical events

• The Pinterest-worthy traditions

But from a child development and attachment lens, that’s rarely true. Kids don’t remember perfection. They remember how they felt—safe, seen, calm, connected.

And those feelings are built in small, ordinary moments. Here’s how…

1. Being fully seen for a few minutes

Children don’t need hours of attention—they need undivided presence, even briefly amongst the chaos.

Examples:

• Sitting on the floor while they play with a new toy

• Letting them tell a long, winding story without rushing

• Making eye contact and responding with genuine interest

Why it matters:
These moments reinforce “I matter. I’m important. I’m worth slowing down for.”

Therapist lens: Even 5–10 minutes of attuned attention can regulate a child’s nervous system.

2. Repair after holiday overwhelm

Holidays are overstimulating. Meltdowns are not a failure—they’re information.

Small moment that matters:

• “That was hard. I still love you.”

• Sitting together after emotions settle

• Naming feelings without shame

Why it matters:
Children remember how adults respond after big emotions—not whether emotions happened.

This teaches:

• Emotions are safe, even when reactions bubble over

• Relationships and situations can recover

• Connection isn’t fragile

3. Quiet rituals no one else sees

The most meaningful moments are often invisible to outsiders.

Examples:

• Reading a book (especially the same book) together before bed

• Making hot chocolate together

• Driving around to look at lights in silence

• Saying the same phrase at bedtime

Why it matters:
Predictable, calm rituals create emotional safety, especially during a season full of change and movement.

4. Let kids be themselves (not performers)

Holidays often come with expectations:

• “Go hug them”

• “Say thank you”

• “Smile for a photo”

Small moment that matters:

• Respecting kids when they want to opt out

• Advocating for boundaries

• Focusing on what’s good for you/your child(ren), not others’ expectations

Why it matters:
Children internalize: “My body and feelings belong to me.”

That’s a powerful long-term message.

5. Shared laughter over imperfect things

Kids remember:

• Burnt cookies

• Inside jokes

• Silly mistakes

• Laughing together over something minor

They don’t remember:

• Whether dinner was on time

• A spotless home

• The plans and what did/didn’t work out

Why it matters:
Joy doesn’t require perfection—it requires connection.

6. Emotional safety on hard days

Some holiday days are heavy—grief, transitions or just exhaustion.

Small moment that matters:

• Allowing sadness

• Naming that things feel different

• Saying, “It’s okay to feel however you feel today”

Why it matters:
Children learn that emotions don’t disqualify them from love, belonging or joy. Space can be held for the in-between and bittersweet spaces.

The takeaway for parents

Children won’t remember everything you did, but they will often remember:

• Who sat with them

• Who listened

• Who stayed calm when things got hard

Connection—not perfection—is what lasts.

If the holidays feel messy, loud or emotional in your home, you’re not doing it wrong. You’re doing something very human—and very meaningful. You’ve got this!

AS ALWAYS, YOU CAN REACH OUT TO ME FOR HELP, QUESTIONS OR TO SET UP A TIME TO TALK.